When I was younger, I could not wait to grow up and become an adult who can do whatever they want! It was all that I could think of and time seemed to go in the slowest of motions. Fast forward to many years later (which btw, came at me so fast!), and adulting is one of the complex yet rewarding things that I have had the pleasure to go through so far!
Becoming an adult with my longest friends has made the journey a bit more exciting and exhilarating. At the end of the day knowing that you have your tribe who are there for you as you are for them makes it all worth it. But unfortunately, adulting also means discovering that not everyone/relationship will serve you best and not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. And, maybe it is just me, but losing a friendship has been more heartbreaking than ending a romantic relationship. So in this article, we will go through some of the signs that let you know you have lost a friendship and what you can do about it.
(1) They don’t put in as much effort as before.
Just like any relationship, a friendship is a two way street. Both parties need to put in equal parts of effort and energy to make it strong and last longer. You may notice that you are the one making all the plans and following up to spend time together. They are always too busy and they don’t involve you in their big life events/changes. You are always there for them for better or worse but they don’t return the favor. If you notice that you are holding the bigger end of the stick, maybe it is time to let that stick go.
(2) You are not the best version of yourself when you are with them.
I once heard this quote somewhere and to paraphrase it; ‘ There are two types of people, ones who give you wings to fly and ones that add weight to you till you are not able to fly again.’ A good friend is someone who is always there for you to lift you up and support you both in your good and hard times. If you feel that they don’t support you in a way that lifts you up and takes you higher, and you don’t feel like yourself in the best ways then maybe it is time to move on.
(3) You don’t have things in common anymore.
This is the most natural way to outgrow a friendship. As we keep growing up, we discover so many things about us and sometimes the things that used to excite us, do not anymore. In that process, we may lose interest in the things that used to connect us with our friends. Every hangout can feel heavy and stressful instead of enjoyable. You can not find joy in the activities that you used to bind you before. Whether it’s you or your friend that is experiencing this, remember that growing is a good thing and you need to be understanding in their new found interests and hobbies.
So, you have lost a friendship, what’s next?
Of course, there are many more signs than the above three. It is always important to be proactive in your friendship so that you can spot something wrong quickly and hopefully fix it before it is too late. Whether it was your childhood, high school or college best friend, losing the friendship of someone you love is going to be hard and full of mixed feelings. The good news here is that, it is not personal (unless stated of course) and you can grow from the lessons you got in the friendship. Focus on you and find your tribe who will love you and fill your soul with all the goodness that friendships have to offer!
By : Christine Gimonge
